To Thine Ownself Be True

Relationships, Relationships, Relationships

No one is perfect, but sometimes people can make their life seem like it’s all rainbows and sunshine. But we know better than that don’t we?  At some point, everyone, including myself, has gone through something.  While for some people, that “something” may stem from finances, family trauma, substance abuse, or a number of other things, some battle with living true to themselves.  Now, what exactly do I mean about living true to oneself?  Let me share with you a line from one of Shakespeare’s famous plays, that I learned from many years ago.

“To thine own self be true.” This quote may be old, but it is still relevant today, especially when it comes to relationships.  If we do not know what our true wants, needs, desires, and passions are for ourselves, how can we expect someone else to know what our wants and needs are?  More importantly, how can we expect our partners to know the real us, if we’re only showing them a fake version?  Life isn’t like Halloween.  You can’t wear a mask today, and then take it off years later. Take the masks off because the success of your relationship with yourself and your partner depends on the real you!

I know it can be tempting to do things we normally wouldn’t do to attract our partners, but be careful. The things you do for a partner at the start of the relationship will be expected throughout the remainder of the relationship.  So, if you know you hate cooking, why have a meal on the table every night for your partner?   Although it may seem like a harmless and thoughtful thing to do, you are not being true to yourself.  This also will backfire on you later in the relationship when your partner starts to expect that meal.

If you have been lying to yourself, don’t worry.  You are not the first person who has done so, and I promise you will not be the last. If you want to start learning how to be true to yourself, let us start by being mindful about decisions and desires that we have for ourselves and the person we plan to spend a lifetime with. Use the three points below to practice being true to yourself and your partner, so you can build a healthy relationship as a couple. 

1. Be truthful to yourself and others! 

Many times, we as couples hurry into preparing a life with one another and we forget to take the time to identify our hindrances that could destroy our glow. So slow down!

2. Focus on each present moment.

When you meet the one and start the planning process, it is necessary that you discuss what is important to you.  Remember, things can and will change over time. Discuss things that are important to you now so that you see each other as you start to transform. 

3. Talk, Talk, Talk.

When I meet couples many of them tell me they have discussed everything. However, many times I find they may not have given honest answers that are true to them.  Other times, there are areas in life couples fail to discuss because they think certain situations will never apply to them. For these reasons, I suggest revisiting conversations and discussing the worst-case scenarios.  As we say best to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it. Be prepared.  

“What’s up with that”

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